And one month later.... from my last entry, that is
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: iTunes radio - Club 977
So I’ve apparently fallen down on my pledge to keep you all updated on my shenanigans. It’s not all my fault, though. A stint in l’hospital, traveling with Current Girlfriend (from here on out known only as Tattletale) and the birth of the new and adorable nephew are all good reasons, if I do say so myself. To recap: for those of you aware (which I would think would be anyone reading this who actually knows me) I seem to be fairly recovered from the appendix scare/colon infection. Most of the symptoms are gone, except for a little residual lack of appetite. I’m not complaining, though. The least I can get after having to miss a trip to NYC and spending a weekend in the hospital is some pounds lost. Big fan. Anyway, apparently whenever your colon is involved it can take a while to get back to 100% b/c every time you eat, it gets irritated. Blah blah blah, health lesson is over. So the TT (tattletale) story is relatively interesting. I can’t get into all of the details b/c it is simply too ridiculous. But Current Girlfriend and I had to travel a few weeks ago. She is uber annoying, but I try to be nice. While we were sitting in the backroom watching focus groups, the clients started joking around with her that one of the other clients had a crush on her. There was a lot of joking around, and as half the reason I was there was to bond with the clients, I joined in a little. Well, TT got very upset. I made a comment to her later about how I hoped she knew everyone was just joking around – keep in mind she would half play along and half whine that she had a boyfriend – and she said she really didn’t like the tone I used with the clients. Um, hello? The clients were the ones playing around – I made maybe one or two comments. Take a joke, maybe? Anyway, thought that was taken care of. Then later on during the trip we had a discussion about the frustrations of our jobs. I was trying to give her a different perspective, and apologized as I said it b/c I knew it wasn’t coming out right. We then sat next to each other on the plane and shared a cab ride home. Saw each other in the office the next day all was normal. That is until after the weekend, on Monday night, when my boss wanted to talk to me. Apparently, she went and told him some story about the boyfriend thing, accused me of not doing my job during the groups, and then flat out lied about the perspective I was trying to explain to her. Luckily, my boss knows me and didn’t think much of it. However, somehow I got roped into having to be the bigger person and going to apologize and work it all out with her. Even as I write this, I’m angry again. She’s an account person for f’s sake – she should know how to be professional and deal with things. If you have a problem with someone, you go to them, not to their boss…especially when it’s a she said/she said situation. I had no respect for her before this, I certainly don’t now. And I have to say, I’ve already had several discussions w/ the bossman about how I’m not doing or working on anything I was told I would be during the interview process. Not to mention the conversations I’ve had with him about this hellish account and TT’s lack of great ability to run it. The long and short is that he should’ve told her to come deal with me herself – like an adult. Mom’s theory is that I’m more mature and therefore can deal with it better – my theory is a) duh and b) thank g-d I’m a good actress. I’m still trying to get the taste out of my mouth from having to do that. Although, you’ll be happy to know I didn’t completely let her get away with it. I made it quite clear (in a nice, calm manner) that she should’ve come to me and not my boss; that if there had been a problem she shouldn’t have sat next to me on the plane and in the cab acting like things were fine; and that at the end of the day it made both of us look bad. I managed to refrain from adding “you, more than me”, so add a point to my name. This was perhaps one of the most ridiculous incidents I’ve ever been involved in. oh, and at the end of our lovey-dovey discussion, after I’d made several comments about how it can take a while for people with different work styles to find a way to work together, she kept saying, “I promise I’m not a bitch, Jen.” Literally. Over and over. She was obviously waiting for me to agree and say she wasn’t. After the fourth time, in my final act of taking one for the team, I said “I know. I was just really surprised by the move you made.” Blech, even now it makes me want to heave. Okay, so on to better things. This past weekend was the birth of my nephew – one Charlie Max. Quite adorable, I must say – even if I am biased. I will say that lately I’ve been contemplating the move back to Siberia, otherwise known as home. The niece is getting older, and extremely entertaining, and now there’s a nephew. Not to mention the money I would save if I didn’t fly in for every family gathering :> This is always something I like to do. I’m just thinking perhaps it’s time for the bird to return to the nest. Hmm, we shall see….

Confessions of a Kool-Aid Drinker
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Neighboring iTunes
Over the past few weeks, a not so pleasant revelation has occurred to me. I have become a ‘kool-aid drinker.’ For those of you who have never heard this adjective, a kool-aid drinker is someone is, well, drinking the company kool-aid per se. Someone who believes so wholly in the company they work for, they tend to overlook the things the company may do that aren’t so great.

I’ll admit that when I started at the Hellmouth (former employer) I did drink the kool-aid at first. Then I believe that my kool-aid was secretly spiked with cranberry juice, and I begun to see the light – or rather the error of the Hellmouth’s ways. Towards the end, I was practically siphoning cranberry through the veins, I was so bitter. While not the healthiest, I did enjoy having a heaping dose of reality.

Now in Musing-Jen’s circle of friends, there ain’t a lot of love for the kool-aid drinkers. You can drink the kool-aid, and still know what’s really going on, but there tends to be extreme drinkers who refuse to acknowledge the bad with the good. Sure, maybe I and others focus too much on the half-empty glass, but at least we don’t constantly tell the half-fullers that they’re wrong. Such is the case with one of the extreme drinkers from the Hellmouth. A good friend, or at least used to be, but refuses not only to see what goes on to others but actually refuses to believe the accounts of friends. My dear bf, LeeLee, is stuck there and was terrorized along with another good friend by an evil supervisor. Seriously, there were many days of tears and LL ain’t one for the tears. Anyway, so extreme drinker just won’t accept how evil, evil supervisor is b/c their experience with him was different. Um for the record, evil supervisor left me alone (after I pushed back one day) but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see or believe what he did to others. Which could get me started on an entirely different subject – what being a friend means – but I digress.

That being said, you can imagine that finding myself once again drinking the kool-aid would lead to very disturbing thoughts. But perhaps that’s what we all do when we start a new job. Although I came into the new job with eyes wide open, I still found myself missing some very key things. For example, not sure I’ll actually be doing what I’ve been trained to do here, oops. But I’m dealing with that. When I was on my trip w/ ExG last week I realized that she was clearly done with the kool-aid, and really? Can you blame her? I, however, have clearly made friends and am hanging out with the drinkers here. On the one hand I can justify it as a means to an end – a way to get the most out of the job until I burn out and it chews me up and spits me out. On the other, fighting for the underdog is part of the very fiber of my being. It’s quite the dilemma.

This issue won’t be solved in one entry, or even one day. Admitting you have a problem, though, is the first step toward recovery. :) That said, I’m soon off to begin my latest endeavor. Or rather, revisit an old past time: bikram yoga. What’s bikram, you say? It’s ‘hot’ yoga, the room is 105 degrees. The last time I did it was three years ago, almost to the day. And while I wasn’t always a fan – all the sweating, and the day I almost passed out – the benefits are supposed to be amazing. Hopefully, if I can get new student special (as the last time I did it was at the studio I’m going to) then I’m going to aim for 3 times this week. It takes 3 times for your body to acclimate, but only 10x to see results. As there is no impact, and it’s actually good for the joints, you can practice every day. Here’s to burning 600+ calories, and no passing out!!

All work and no play....
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: My itunes - right now The Bangles, coming up Audioslave
All work and no play makes Jen cranky and her blog boooorrrrriinnng. So on this beautiful bright spring day, I shall do my best to live up to my promise of my last entry and add a new one.

I have to say I’m feeling very cheery and chatty today which sucks b/c there’s barely anyone in the office and of course I’m still suffering from separation anxiety of not working w/ my best friends – like I did in the Hellmouth – which is what we call my former place of employment. Not that I want to be back there, every day I hear more and more things that make me glad to have left. The way the younger employees, and even the not so young ones, are getting treated is ridiculous. There was always talk of there being a ‘boys club’ but for the most part it didn’t affect me. Now I hear at least once a week about the crappy things that go on, especially to the women, and I have to say it’s appalling. The men there better watch out b/c one of these days, or years, karma is going to bite them in the ass – and it’s going to hurt!

But I’m getting worked up and that’s not only no fun it goes against my New Year’s resolutions. Hmm, so what should we ramble about today? Oh, I’ll give an update from my trip last week. To recap, I spent a week driving around Houston w/ the dept ‘ex-girlfriend.’ Now you’ll recall that ExG didn’t exactly seem to like me when I first got there. Although she’s definitely challenging to work with (not exactly a delegator), we got along famously! We actually travel really well together and had a really good time. I know. I was surprised to. And while I’m chalk some of that up to me having good people skills, and an incessant need to not have people hate me, we just have a lot in common – besides the fact that she’s a redhead too so it was like two sisters traveling.

Not much else is new. Had a very chill weekend – engaged in one of my favorite past-times: napping on the couch in the sun with the windows open. V. fun.

I’ll sign-off for now. Must go see if they still need volunteers to leave work early and go sit in a bar to reserve tables for one of our clients to watch the Cubs and Illini/Carolina game. Gotta love my job some days :)

Breaking the Silence
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Humming HVAC and a loud account person in the cube next to me
So I’ve decided to break my silence. Not that my silence was intentional, more a by-product of ridiculous hours and used brain power the past few months. Huh, sad that it’s actually been a few months. It’s not like I haven’t had anything to say, but I got a distinct feeling not everyone would appreciate the messages. Basically, I learned that some of the things I talk about have had an adverse effect – i.e. not everyone likes to hear when I’m in a bad mood. Oops.

Today I’m embarking on an interesting trip. For the record, anyone who likes business travel most likely hasn’t done a lot of business travel. That, or they haven’t done travel like I have – research travel. Sometimes, it’s not so bad. Three days of meetings in OH a few weeks ago weren’t so bad. I was merely a participant. One week of doing in-home interviews is a whole other story.

It’s hard to tell which part of this trip has the potential to be the worst: in-home interviews are not my favorite, I’d rather be in a facility doing them then traipsing all over Houston; the fact that I’m most likely going to have to be the driver; or the fact that I get to do this project with ExG (or the somewhat b*tchy girl who’s earned the title of “ex-girlfriend” in my dept). Seriously, me and ExG trapped in a car for three straight days.

The interesting thing is that I was actually having a fairly good attitude about it. I fully admit that this is they type of thing I’d usually complain about, but not this time. I decided to have a positive attitude – that, and the fact it will be in the 80s helps immensely. So I was chipper and cheerful until I walked into the office today and had a chat w/ the boss man. Now I should say that regardless of all the chaos that has gone on at this place (and trust me, there’s been a lot!) I do have a wonderful boss. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve left the first month. And he knows it. I’ve told him :) Anyhoo, so boss man makes a comment today about how I’m definitely going to have an “interesting” week. Bad boss! Here I am happy and positive and now I’m in danger of being sucked into the realm of despair. Hmm, but I don’t have a cute new spring coat and sunglasses….I’ll focus on those instead.

And that’s what’s going on here. I know it’s not that interesting, but it’s an update. I’m just not sure any of you are ready to hear the actual inner-workings of my mind. But I will try and be more diligent about writing. It’s starting to become Spring here, so I’m sure the warm weather will produce ample topics for me to discuss. And of course, in a month or so, we’ll have a new addition to the family – Baby Boy is due. My nephew, that is. At the very least, the birthing will evoke numerous visits to the homefront – and I’m sure I’ll have something to say about that.

Check back this week. As I’ll be trapped in a car, with no one to talk to, I’m sure I’ll need to get quite a bit out. Perhaps I’ll even try to do another entry or two.

Blah blah Blah
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Close Your Eyes Forever by Ozzie and Lita Ford

I must say, blogs are demanding. I've been feeling guilty all week for not writing anything, so I'll write something today. Although I should warn you that forcing my creativity in this way, usually yields lackluster (un-funny) results. You'll have to pardon me if my usual wit is not up to snuff.

Hmmm, so what have I been up to?? Oh, well, shock and awe, I got sick this past week. At first I (and my puncturist) thought it was a negative reaction to my latest round of failed acupuncture, but alas it was not. The puncture hasn't really been working lately, so we've stopped and are now playing w/ homeopathy...I'll let you know how it goes. Anyhoo, so there's a nasty little cold going `round the office. Several people have caught it. Your head is only stuffed up for a few days, but the lethargy lingers on and on and on. And let's face it. I can barely get out of bed most days as it is, I definitely don't need added sloth feelings.

It blizzarded (made up word) this weekend, which made lying on the couch and not moving quite enjoyable. It gave me a chance to watch some of my new, or new-to-me, DVDs courtesy of the Blockbuster "Buy 2 Previously Viewed, Get 1 Free" deal. Lee Lee, came in town weekend before last (when it was ung-dly cold) and was there to help me make the difficult decision between all the wonderful DVDs. I finally settled on "The Princess Diaries 2" (because unrealistic fairytales are cool), "The Stepford Wives" (because I'm so obsessed I still have a poster hanging in my cube) and "XMen2" (because why not?). But enough of that, you don't want to hear about my movie purchases.

What else should I talk about? Oh, well thanks to the lovely cyber fare people at American Airlines, I will be venturing home this weekend. It's supposed to snow on Monday in Chicago, so perhaps I will be stuck in Minne! My mother and I have an equal desire to attach me to her hip, and let me babble non-stop for two days. That, along with some outlet shopping and niece-visiting will make for a much enjoyable weekend.

One thing I was wondering today, on a completely different subject, is whether or not people ever have two mid-life crises. Reason being, a few years ago I had a quarter-life crisis. You think I'm making this up, but I'm not. I actually read a book about it. Basically, lots of people in the 25-32 year old age range have quarter-life crises. They just get to a point where they've been moving a long the track o'life and all of the sudden they don't know what they want anymore. Generally, something sets it off and can make it worse, but it can happen w/o any huge life change as well. For me, part of it was b/c I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself after college. But even my friends who knew what they wanted to do after college have found themselves afflicted. Only for them, five years into their careers they're not sure they want to do their jobs anymore. It's very confusing and a huge pain in the arse.

Anyway, my question about whether it's possible for the middle aged to have two crises is b/c I'm wondering if it's possible to have two quarter-life crises as well. I swear almost every single one of my friends, except possibly for the recently wed Erika, or people I know who are my age are going through this chaos. Wow, if I actually had A.D.D. (instead of just pretending) I can only imagine how bad this would be. Blech. Hopefully, we'll all figure it out soon enough - it's way not fun.
Unfortunately, I think that's all the news that's fit to print today - that's something my mom says, there's not news that's unfit to print. I shall try again to be more on top of my blog, but I do warn you

Deep Thoughts by Musing Jen
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Pete Yorn a la my iTunes
They say you should be careful for what you wish for. I don't know who "they" are, but I hate when they're right.

Today I realized that something I had wanted had come to fruition, but I'm not sure I like it anymore. It's something I wanted a while ago, something I thought would be a good thing, but I don't think it is. If it sounds like I'm writing in code, I am. This is an interesting entry b/c it's something I feel like sharing, but there's really no one I think I want to actually know what I'm talking about. How `bout them apples? The funniest thing is most likely in a week I'll read this and have no idea what I'm talking about either :)

So what was the thing I wished for? I'll give you a hint. I wanted to help someone out, but I couldn't help them directly. (It's very complicated, the life I lead) Since I couldn't help them, I tried to arrange it so someone else could. Hmm, this reminds me of 8th grade when my friends and I would give code names for everyone...but I digress. The good news is it looks like the person who needed some help is getting it. The selfish new is that they seem to be just as content getting said help from the other person and not me. Replacement ain't fun, kids, let me tell you.

Is it time to go yet??
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Only the HVAC humming


Okay, the a.d.d. is definitely getting the best of me today. And since I can't seem to find any motivation to work, I figure I may as well post an entry for my faithful readers - whoever you are.

For my first topic, I would like to address the issue of not enough vacation time. How on Earth do we let the Europeans get more vacay than we do? This just does not make sense. I swear I've seen studies that prove that you're more productive if you have more time off - a point I'm obviously proving myself today what with having no real break since last winter. I also blame the education system for this. I spent 16 (12 grades + college) of my formative years learning that I should get two weeks off in the winter. And then suddenly I have to become an adult and work all the time? That's crap.

Speaking of, let's talk about the fact that as a child, when it was snowy and icy, they closed school. (Can you tell it's snowing here today?) Adults are way more stressed and busy than kids, why don't they close work? And yes, yes, I know. If I'd stayed in NC, they actually do close work down there. But it's more b/c people are idiots there, and they can't handle snow or ice. Ooh, which brings me to my favorite NC story....Picture this: first year there. Had a day off w/in the first month due to snow. During my second month they had an ice storm. Keep in mind this was the same year they had the horrific ice storm that shut down the city for a week. Thankfully it was before my arrival, but I digress. So it's President's Day which we had off, but we would've had it off anyway due to the ice. I ventured to the mall w/ a friend and we had lunch at Panera. As we're sitting next to the window, we see a worker go out w/ a box of table salt and proceed to pour it on the sidewalk. Table Salt. We couldn't stop laughing. Only in the South would they use table salt to "salt" the sidewalks. Unbelievable - unless of course you're not from the South, but have lived there.

What else should we talk about today? Hmm....I had thought about doing some sort of "rules to live by" but really they're just about things people do that aren't always the smartest and then I rant about them....but I'm just not feeling it.

I had also thought about writing about my latest puncture experience. I mean, really? Who'd a thunk I would ever be wishing for things like needles in my back? And that's what I've been doing the past week or so. Apparently with the acupuncture you need to do `tonification' first before you move on to the problem you need help with. The tonification basically gets your chi working and flowing properly, and then you can get more advanced. I've gotten through the first tonification pattern and have been trying to pass the second so I can go on to my back. If you don't do it in stages and they go too fast, you can feel pretty icky. Yesterday I was hoping for a back pattern, and nope, still on stage 2. You might not think I would welcome the needles in the back, but I've got to say, after they're in your hands and legs, the back seems good. Seriously, sometimes those f-er's hurt. They're not supposed to, but they can. (BEWARE IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH) And sometimes it just gives me the heebie jeebies to have them go into the points they go into - ankles, shins, between thumbs and forefingers - EW!~ Okay, I've got to stop or I'm going to creep myself out way too much for the next time. Truthfully, though, I think it really can help. You just have to apply a lot of mental stamina if you're a hypoderma-phobe like I am. It's pure mind over matter. You just focus on relaxing, the pins go in, you take a short nap, and the pins go out.

Well, the a.d.d. is still driving me bonkers, so I'm going to have to find something else to do. Maybe I'll start planning an outfit for tomorrow night's adventures with the O.T.D. - that's Out Till Dawn group. It's the farewell bash for our favorite party thrower, Mr. Wolfe. I'm not sure Texas knows what's coming. :)

I just have to find myself
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Skulky's music, but at least it's mellow

*Warning: Today's topic is more PSA (public service announcement) that happy go luck.

hmm, today i'm feeling helpful - not sure what that means. i was reading something this morning (can't remember where) that had to do with the Tsunami and how after 9/11 people wanted to be more prepared for disasters, but aren't. that got me thinking. there was a link to the american red cross that talked about ways to prepare for disasters. then i walking talking to my mom and i realized that i used to have a duster plan (sort of) in place when i lived in north cackalacki. my nc one was easy. if there was ever an emergency and i was not w/ a certain someone at the time of said duster, the plan was to meet at my place, and if we couldn't get to mine we'd go to his, and if we couldn't get to his we'd meet at target. and yes, i know, target is an interesting place to meet, but it made the plan easy and memorable: my place, your place, target.

the thing is, now i live in a city that's much more, let's say, prevalent and i have no disaster plan. mostly, it's b/c if there were an emergency, i only have to find myself. mom thought that was funny, hence today's title.

and while i try not to dwell on things like that, i do think it's important to at least have an idea of what you would do if something ever happened. that said, i've decided to paste in the link for the red cross site http://www.redcross.org/services/duster/0,1082,0_500_,00.html it's at least worth a check-out. living in fear is one thing, being smart and pragmatic is another.

and speaking of that, and while i've got you not at all is a happy mood, i feel it's my duty to give another reason why we should all be happy with what we have and not take people for granted. i feel that in general i'm pretty down with knowing what's really important in life. have had plenty of life experiences that have contributed, yes sir. however, it is easy to forget just how unimportant most of our day to day headaches are. so here's a story that will hopefully give you a moment's pause to remember that what matters in life is having friends and family that you love and that love you back.

friend of friend has a two really good friends that are married. she's somewhere in her 30s and he's about 40. not too long ago, his sister died suddenly from a brain embolism. she left children behind. a few weeks ago, this man was having blurred vision and went to the doctor. turns out he had a brain tumor and they did surgery to try and remove it and to see if it was malignant. while he was in surgery they found out, he didn't have just one, but many tumors. while they haven't determined the final prognosis you don't need to be a doctor to realize it probably isn't good.

so again, why would i depress you all like this? because too often i think we here stories like this and maybe they give us pause, but it doesn't really change how we act on a day to day level. i challenge you to change something about how you are on a day to day level - be nicer to your fam, call your parents once a week, send your sister some cash (oops, that was mine) but you get the point.

okay, that was my morose entry, hopefully for the month. i will try and write something happier tomorrow so this doesn't sit up for a few weeks.

and now my friend, i'm off to get punctured. fun thought, i know :)

I resolve to stop making resolutions
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: new Jimmy Eat World courtesy of my cultural compass, April
Okay, so i don't really resolve to stop making resolutions, but it sounded entertaining. truth is, i've been very good about my resolutions this year. yes, i know we're only 11 days into it, but i started mine at the end of january. i didn't always have a use for them, felt like if i started making a list, where would i stop? a few years ago, under the influence of someone who no longer feels the worth of my being a part of their life, i made a new decision: do one or two and actually make an effort.

last year's resolution was to get my finances in order (does 'kind of' count?) and to eat better. for the latter i tried the south beach diet. after four days of the induction i got south beach's revenge: puking for a day and barely making it home from work before the wretching began. nice visual, huh? anyhoo, i still south beach is a good way to get yourself to be in the habit of eating better. there's just no way my body can go that long w/o a starch or 'bad for me' carb. lesson learned.

so this year i also made two and recently added a third. what are they? i thought you'd never ask.

#1. stop thinking about the future and concentrate on today.

blah blah blah, people always say this is a good thing, but i can never seem to do it. i must say, it's been a smidge difficult. basically, i find myself constantly qualifying things by how likely they'll be in the future. for example, normally i'm a very picky dater - why date someone when i know there's most likely no way it would ever last? under my new resolution i would be allowed/forced (depending on my mood) into dating said non-future-person simply as something to do. let's face it, i take a lot of maitenance and most of you can't deal w/ the full force of attention my personality demands. but this resolution applies to other things too, mostly all decisions i make.

#2. stop getting angry at small things. perhaps you've never spoken or dealt with me when i'm stressed, overwhelmed, cranky etc - you should be thankful. but for those of you who know how worked up i'm able to get myself, i thought this might be a good resolution. it's very much in vein of the 'life's short' theory. surprisingly, i've been doing pretty good on this one. i've actually found myself resisting the urge to get angry when i find out about stupid things like what 'she who usurped me at my old job' is doing. self-control, it's very good for me b/c let's face it, i'm generally pretty content w/ being more free w/ my feelings and emotions.

okay, okay, i know you don't believe i've been completely sucessful with this one. i'll admit, twice today i got torqued w/ someone. the first was the guy who was walking in front of me on the sidewalk this morning. it's wet and there's dirty mush and snow everywhere so the path is really narrow. this guy decided to walk...really....really...slowly...in the middle of the path so i couldn't get around him. hello? move to one side or get barreled over. i did have my new boots on (thanks m & d), which normally would've had me tromping past him, but i also had cute new pants on and i didn't want them splashed. thankfully, i wasn't behind him long. the second person was an obnoxious woman from my apt complex, and as i've finally just calmed down, i will not detail her rudeness, stupidity, or obnoxious tonality.

i do have to give a nod to my fellow co-worker (the boy w/ the ex and current girlfriends of previous entries). i believe it was his introduction of a new candy bar to me, that put the foil on my foul mood. of course, i don't tell anyone at work about my blog b/c it would make it more difficult to report on their activities, so we'll just hope he gets a karmic nod from my mention.

speaking of karmic nods, i'd like to ask for some good thoughts for my dear friend, leah. she desparately needs to get a new job and leave the south. she's brilliant and has been interviewing at companies, but they're jerking her around. as leah keeps the brunt of my demands off the rest of you, we should all want to keep her happy and in good spirits. :)

hmm, what else is going on with me??? oooh, i have a three day weekend for which i am most excited! musing jen needs a vacay, big time. actually, i have a hellish project that is going to take up considerable time in the next two months. i'm thinking of a smallish splurge to a warmer climate around the end o'march or april. if you have any ideas or deals, feel free to send them my way.

oh, i just remembered i didn't tell you what resolution number 3 was. it's not so much a resolution as a new daily affirmation.

#3. be a better person. i used to do this at the end of each day, resolve to be better the next day. but the other night a friend told me she does the same thing only she does it first thing in the morning. i tried it yesterday, and i had a fantastic day. i was bonding w/ people at work, they thought i was funny, and nothing horrendous happened. i tried again this morning, but then i ran into slow sidewalking man and that was that. i know i'm not horrible, am relatively good, but some days my judgementalness, selfishness, and bitchiness tend to get the best of me. although, sometimes those days are fun too!

blah blah blah, i'm definitely rambling today. must be time to sign off. more importantly, almost time to go home.

So many words, so little people to listen
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: just the humming of the copier near my cube

Just for the record, it is no fun having a barrage of witty comments that constantly run through my head if there's no one to listen. I'm well aware that I have what I like to call `hypospeechia.' Hypospeechia, is like a verbal form of hypoglycemia. Much like how with hypoglycemia you need to eat every 12 seconds, or at least I do even though I'm self-diagnosed, with hypospeechia I need to speak every so often or it all builds up and then I do things like follow my mom around the house for 2 hours without shutting up. Having a new job and having to work over the holiday has exacerbated my condition.

Not to mention I've got skulky the wonder boy sitting behind me. I swear, the kid is either blasting me away with hard rock - which isn't always welcome at 10am- or he's just constantly THERE. And I can practically here what he's thinking: Is she powdering her nose again? I'm a girl, it's what we do. But today it seems like every time I looked up he was lurking. I know we share a workspace, but it wasn't exactly necessary. I thought I was quirky until I came here.

So today, as I sit here and wait to see if either a) they need me to do anything before I vacate for hopefully the rest of the year or b) leah gets stranded in town for the night, I find myself full to the brim of chatter and no one to share it with. And I'm used to dealing with people who are open to getting to know new people and going out - not like there was a lot of action in Raleigh, but at least if you wanted to grab a drink after work there were people who would go. I'm pretty sure that if I asked anyone here, I'd get no response - that or they'd think I was hitting on them. All I want is some vodka and little bit of conversation, is that so wrong? Heck, I don't even need a companion who will make conversation, just listen. How hard can that be?

Okay, I refuse to be a complete whiner so I will now go and see if I can find someone who can come out and play. Wish me luck.


*p.s. For the record, I was brutally rebuffed. I shall now trudge home...to my apt...by myself...